I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
