I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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