Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
