...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
