So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
