Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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