My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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