I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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