Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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