1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
