is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
