I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
