Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
