watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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