I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
