her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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