I can text with my tongue
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
