So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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