I just made out with a guy for $7.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
