Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
