Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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