His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
