Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
