You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
