this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
