Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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