I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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