she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
