she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
