Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
