apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
