did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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