went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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