this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
