shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
