So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
