please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Your topless pictures make me question reality
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
