Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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