No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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