Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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