Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
