So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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