I will die if light touches me.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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