Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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