All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
