I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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