Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
