I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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