my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
