So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
