he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
