I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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