I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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