so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
