Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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