Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
